nothing is granted

Tonight, I find myself sad. My favorite texture-dotted Madewell stockings have been torn. They've been good to me, no doubt about that...all of their 3-week life. My chest feels at war between utter despair at their loss [no, that was not sarcastic or over-dramatized in the slightest], and a calming peace that 'nothing is granted'. I can't guarantee that any of my worldly possessions will still be in my possession tomorrow, and accordingly need to stop fooling myself into believing I have any control over the fate of my "treasures". Truth :: There will always be more stockings - just a click away.

Thoughts have danced in my head all day today, stealing attention from that which rightly deserves it -- the reception area of the firm. Said thoughts have consisted mostly of light-hearted conversations from last night, about nothing that I can remember...excepting the one on inflation and its causes/consequences on the world at large, as well as the spontaneous analogy explaining the difference between dark-roast and bold, concerning coffee. I'm still rather proud of myself for that one. In addition to revelations about economics y café, the house feels o-so-open now that boxes have been put into storage, the guest cot has been folded and packed away, and dust dinosaurs have been aborted. How did I know tequila would be such a strong motivator to clean/organize? I do know that two of the cakes got ordered today for the firm's monthly birthday shindig, and the other two are pending approval. This small productivity likely transpired due to the fact that my mind was already consumed with thoughts of merry-making.

Small miracle for today :: My sister randomly stopped by where I was seated with coffee, watched my Madewell stockings rip open, and decided to hand me cash to buy a new pair. The pain of loss is almost completely diminished, and definitely is seen now for what it truly is :: a temporary inconvenience.

| words for today |
+consciousness
+tequila & garlic crab sauté
+road names
+regret should hurt, then shove you in the right direction and disappear forever.
+campfire
+dark plaids & coveralls

Comments

frogla said…
first of all, i love your blog/style. your honesty about your thoughts life and what's going on around you. thank you for sharing it with the rest of us. i am so sorry for the loss of your beloved stockings. your going from despair to calm makes perfect sense because it can apply to anything and everything!! possessions are fleeting and so is $. we have it now we don't. i'm about to embark on losing some possessions by choice and about to loose some $ not by choice. it's a curious place to be. i'm excited anxious & scared with anticipation. i am sorry for your many losses but also glad that you are "merry-minded". and glad that you were able to name your feeling of your losses as a "a temporary inconvenience". maybe i'll steal that phrase for the name of my blog if i ever decide to do one. i like your list of words of the day. *thinking* what mine are.
February 11, 2012 at 6:56:00 PM CST
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